Some Initial Perspective

Why I Started This Blog
I have a journal. It's a simple spiral-bound notebook that I use to capture my thoughts when I'm being introspective. Translation: I write in it when I'm miserable.

Ok - that's not always true. Every time I fly somewhere for work or pleasure, I find myself reflecting on my life on the flight - and these are usually happy journal entries. But by and large, when I look back through the pages, I have written to figure out why I'm miserable. It's my way of working through my emotions and discovering the root causes of my issues. I'm sure you'll not be surprised that 99.9% of "issues" are related to my relationships. With men, that is.

I will never throw away my journals. It's so interesting and good to remember what I've been through, and I find that I learn from my own previous struggles. I have also come to realize that when I'm in the habit of writing my thoughts, I'm much more balanced and satisfied.

So here's the connection: I recently had this epiphany that I should be writing all the time - not just when I'm miserable. And I also suspect that other people might be interested in my writing. NOT because I'm a great writer or an interesting/witty/insightful person. I assure you I'm none of these. But I am real, and I suspect that my issues are similar to issues of most women.

This blog is the result of that epiphany. The topic of Staying Whole as the Other Half is representative of my biggest life challenge, which is really about staying true to what I believe is the real Me. I'll probably continue to keep my journal around, but this blog will perhaps start to replace it. One of the reasons I'm excited about that is because I think hearing people's comments on my entries will be incredibly insightful. And I know other people will also call me on my shit. I can get away with a lot in my journal... :)

A Bit More About the Topic
We all want to be in relationships (well, most of us). Because when we're single, we think we're miserable and lonely. But, when we are in a relationship, we tend to lose all semblance of our single selves. We eat different, play in our weekends differently, watch different movies, spend our money differently. Think I'm wrong? Spend a weekend all by your lonesome, and tell me you don't spend your weekend doing very different things and making different decisions than you would default to in your typical "couples" weekend.

And this begs the question, WHY?? Well, I believe it's because we fall into the trap of two things: comfort and compromise. We're comfortable because we no longer have to lure someone into our graces. So the motivation to hit the gym, eat right, and look our best goes down the drain. Second, relationships are about compromise. But the sad thing is that compromise means that neither person gets what they really want...they both settle for second or third best. All the time.

Let me be clear about this - I am not categorically opposed to comfort or compromise. I think comfort is the reason we love our relationships. And without compromise, the relationship would never get off the ground, or if it did, it would quickly crash and burn. But there are dark sides to both of these, and that's what I'm calling out.

What I've come to realize is that being grounded in my values and sense of self is the number one key to warding off the dark side of the two C's. And that is the crux of this blog.